MEN.STYLE.com/GQ gave Bruno a great deal of love (yes homo?) for their latest cover… and with it came this subsequent interview via question submissions. I pulled the pieces I thought were the funniest and most shocking… It’s funny how Sacha Cohen and his personas are still making you say “wow” a few years since Borat and his Ali G character emerged. I sort of group this movie with The Hangover… dirty, offensive humor type shit… but I didn’t find the trailer for The Hangover funny at all… shit looked downright boring. But something about this looks on point… maybe cause he’s fucking with real people?
Anyways, here’s the best of the interview bits…
Dear Brüno, I am all in favor of protecting the animals, but what is reasonable? I won’t wear fur, but do I need to give up my leather jackets or shoes?
Ich vant to make it clear: Brüno ist totally against vearing fur—it’s too expensive und high-maintenance. I mean, vhy don’t giant pandas have a label on zem saying zey’re not machine vashable? Regarding shoes und jackets, if you vant to be ein Leatherboy, zat’s fine.
Dear Brüno, can men wear heels? When and why? Of course. Some guys look great in heels—ze singer Pink, for example. Alzo, mein last boyfreund, Diesel, vas a genuine Pygmy only three eight, so ich made him vear heels so he could give me plow jops mitout me having to bend mein knees.
Dear Brüno, how can I get some “Efron hair”? Or at least some “Pattinson hair”?
Ich vouldn’t bother getting a Zac Efron hairstyle right now, cos ich am about to change mine and he’s certain to copy me again. In terms of grooming, ze only thing he hasn’t copied me with ist getting his ballensack pierced—vell, he hadn’t had it done ze last time ich saw him.
Dear Brüno, my wedding is approaching and I am desperate to impress my bride. What is appropriate groom’s attire for a Labor Day nuptial?
If Brüno vas about to be married to a voman, I’d be vearing a noose.
Dear Brüno, when I walk into a fancy designer-clothing store, the sales clerks are brusque and intimidate me. Is there anything I can do to be treated better?
You sound like ein “normie” to me—I’m glad zat high-end stores are trying to keep ze likes of you avay. Vhen I go to a store, ze first thing I look for ist ein vheelchair ramp—if zey’ve got one, I won’t go in. Ich find zose mongoloidische guys such a downer.
Dear Brüno, lately I’ve been digging this French guy Sarkozy’s look; who’s on your list of the best-dressed world leaders of all time?
Zere is one thing wrong mit ze way Sarkozy looks—it’s zat accessory beard called Bruni who follows him around everyvhere he goes. She’s about three feet taller zan him! It looks like he’s dating a post-op trannie! He either needs to start vearing platform shoes or push her round in a vheelchair or send her back to ze agency. Vhile I’m on ze subject of badly dressed leaders, please someone lock Nelson Mandela up again so ve don’t have to keep looking at zose hideous flowery shirts!
Dear Brüno, who are the other best-dressed world leaders of all time?
JFK. Obama. Castro. Timberlake.
Dear Brüno, what’s your feeling on getting your teeth professionally whitened?
If people vant to pay for it—zat’s up to zem. Personally, ich have never had to pay for it, und ich prefer it on ze chest to ze mouth, anyvay.
Dear Brüno, my nostril hairs are constantly poking out of my nose, and I’m always having to trim them back with tiny scissors. I’m afraid if I stop trimming them, they’ll continue growing until they’re ridiculously noticeable and flagellating out of my nose. Should I continue to trim, or is there a better solution?
Brüno was the first Austrian ever to have chemo purely for ze purpose of hair removal. It really is ze perfect solution for unvanted vhiskers—und not only zat, ze weight-loss benefits due to ze womiting it causes are amazing! If you’re struggling to find a doc who’ll give you ein prescription for zis, call min—you can find him in ze Vienna Yellow Pages, his name’s Oskar Mengele. He does other services, too—he just gave mein godson Florian lipo for his sixth birthday!
Dear Brüno, I’m a big believer in a “uniform”—wear the same clothes day in, day out. If you had such a uniform, what would it be?
Sadly, the glory days of ze Austrian uniform vere sixty-five years ago. Zis season’s vardrobe essential, thanks to Madonna und me, is ze “Little Black Child.”